Dear Owners Of Every NHL, NBA, NFL and MLB Team: An Open Letter

This is an open letter to all team owners of every indoor sport.

Imagine if you went to the movies and they left all the lights on. Terrible. I want to see Mila Kunis checking out Natalie Portman's "basement" in "Black Swan." I don't want the lights on so that I'm distracted by the fat kid who can't seem to pull the Twizzlers apart.

Imagine if you went to an indoor concert and it was lit up like a classroom. Gross. No strobe lights, no lasers and no spotlights. Just the band, wires and roadies. There's a reason why the headliners at Coachella don't play at noon, and it's not just the heat.

I absolutely hate what indoor sporting events have become. There's no show anymore. Not too long ago, arenas used to only put